Why you can not be black and bossy

Recently, I had a meeting with one of my managers to discuss some stuff about work, away from me being bossy. It was in the midst of what we were doing that he decided to open up to me on a complaint about me, by my colleagues.

”Joan, this is just for you to know. I am not mentioning names or pointing fingers, but some of your work mates think that you are bossy.”

Wait a second, because I am just about to take offense here. So, I take a few seconds in silence to gather all possible composure. And then I respond. Calmly.

“What do you mean. Why would someone feel that way”

Being the ever straight forward person he is except for today, he goes ahead to repeat that he can not mention names explaining that people don’t like to be asked to do things by people they are on the same level with. But of course! Then he says something interesting, listen up, this is where the “moral of the story is.”

“Especially when you are this color.” He taps my hand a little and then says something sweet. “Thank God you are not too black.” And continues “If you were this and that nationality (which we won’t mention here) no one would say that you are bossy” Hmm, such a relief!

At this point it is possible that my composure was being stretched. And just before I pondered on me being bossy, a more urgent food for thought presents itself - So to hell with being bossy

Being the first time I work outside of my country, It is the first time someone pointed out to my face that I am black. Of course I am. And it has never itched being black. The fact that there are some things I can not do or be because I am black however, which are okay for the other nationality to do or be, that, was not okay for me.

Before I could air my views either on why I am black or why I am bossy, we got distracted by the normal frequent visitors at the front desk- who we love.

So I did not have a chance to justify myself-neither will I do it here- and say that I was being falsely accused of being bossy despite being a generally soft spoken person, No. I know I can be intimidating firm and an annoying perfectionist.

Rather, my concern today is the fact that there are some things I can not do or be because I am black, thank God not too black, as though there were any difference. Despite, he made it clear that being bossy could not have been a problem if I were the other nationality which we did not mention.

I pondered over this comment for a couple of days. Why would my manager think that the problem is my skin color. I have always seen this train of thought to be one of closed minded people, the less enlightened, the ignorant. He is my manager! So before I judged him too harshly, I slowly let the hard feelings go, but in the back of my mind, I was full of doubt on matters pertaining his IQ or EQ. Either.

Today however being the day I decide to put in writing my first racial discrimination experience, I am on my computer with nothing much to do. I search for an interesting read, and what could be more interesting than the culmination of the fairy love story of the internet sensations Meghan Markle and Prince Harry.

One thing was off however. I more frequently than not stumbled upon phrases like black princess, biracial immigrant, Is Meghan black. These are articles from newspapers and tabloids of top media houses. The cream dela cream of the world of elites. I could sense their blatantly racist tones. Then came the notorious bloggers with their highly opinionated opinions. I thought they were a little more enlightened, than average!

So today I choose to forgive my manager and to still look at him as a highly intelligent person, for today is the day I discover that racial profiling is not directly related to the number of degrees a person associates with or their level of exposure. It is a disease that has infected the majority, and whose antidote is long overdue and that unfortunately does not seem forthcoming

Today however is not the day I cave in. It is not today that I become naive, scared and intimidated because of my color. Today is the day I stand tall. Today is the day I forgive myself for feeling guilty of being labbled bossy. Of being who I am. Of being black and bold and beautiful.

Today is the day I reflect on women of black decent who have done great things. From Doria Ragland being called a nanny while single handedly raising her own daughter to become a duchess-We will save the Princess word for obvious reasons- to Oprah Winfrey being listed one of the most influential women of her generation. I leave the list for later, we can hardly exhaust. What would the world be without their influence. Where would they be if they decided to “tone down” their capabilities and strong personalities in the name of color.

I acknowledge that it is not only people with an African origin who face racial marginalization. Many nationalities all over the world battle racial discrimination for one reason or the other. How about we try and separate the person from the place. That we start to see people for who they are, and who they can be as opposed to the color of their skin or their physical capability. That we save the rest of the details for when we write history or biographies. That we start to give more creative titles to our news headlines and blog posts. Being black and successful should already be cliché. So is being black and bossy.

Lots of love,

Joanna